


take it out on me

by crockettstiddies



Category: Chicago Med
Genre: F/F, Sensory Overload, autistic!reese, self injury tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24630913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crockettstiddies/pseuds/crockettstiddies
Summary: Sarah has a meltdown, and Ava's there to help her through it
Relationships: Ava Bekker/Sarah Reese
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	take it out on me

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this way back in december and published it on tumblr (@crockettstiddies) and now I've decided to post it here bc I want validation, and also there's nowhere near enough reesker content on here :)

As soon as she stepped into the apartment, Ava knew something was wrong. All the lights were off and it felt empty, but Sarah’s bag was still propped up against the wall by the front door, so she had to be here. Whatever was going on, it wasn’t good. Sarah had seemed fine this morning, but it had been over twelve hours since then, and Ava had seen her spiral in far less time.

“Babe?” Her voice rang out around the apartment, and was met with a quiet whimper in response, barely audible if Ava hadn’t been listening for it.

She couldn’t be sure, but it sounded like Sarah was in the bedroom. Ava slipped her shoes off and, as quietly as she could, made her way towards her girlfriend. As she got nearer, a high-pitched whine filled her ears, and she braced herself for what she was about to find.

She didn’t see Sarah at first. The bedroom was darker than the rest of the apartment, courtesy of the blackout blinds they’d had installed last year, and it took a moment for Ava’s vision to adjust. After a couple of seconds, once she could see again, her eyes settled on a figure in the corner of the room. Sarah. She was sitting pressed against two walls, her eyes squeezed shut and her hands over her ears. Tears were streaming down her face, and Ava could tell it had been like this for a while.

Ava rushed over and knelt next to her, careful not to touch her. When Sarah was like this, even the slightest contact could make it worse, and that was the last thing Ava wanted.

“Sarah, what’s wrong?” Her voice was as quiet as she could get it, but still Sarah shook her head in obvious discomfort.

“Are your headphones in your bag?”

Sarah managed a slight nod, and Ava got up and went back to the hallway. Upon opening the bag, she saw that the headphones were perched on top of everything else, within easy reach. She found herself wondering why Sarah hadn’t got them herself, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that she got them now.

When she got back to the bedroom, she helped Sarah put the headphones on, allowing her to finally free her hands from the sides of her head. At least now she could communicate.

With the headphones doing a better job of blocking out sound than her hands ever could, Sarah was able to relax slightly and open her eyes. Ava smiled and made a poor attempt at miming that she was going to find something for Sarah to write on. This was a common occurrence, and by now they had well over a dozen notebooks and an innumerable amount of pens scattered around the apartment.

Ava knew for certain that there was a notebook and a couple of pens on the dresser just a few feet behind her so she got up, taking her eyes off Sarah for just a few seconds.

But that was all it took. When she turned back around, Sarah was clawing at her left arm, her nails dragging up and down her skin in a fast, repetitive motion. 

Without thinking, Ava dropped the pen and notebook and rushed over, taking Sarah’s hands in hers. She cried out and tried to fight back, but Ava was stronger, not exhausted by hours of having all her senses attacked by everything around her.

“Sarah, I can’t let you hurt yourself.” She shook her head, still struggling to get her hands out of Ava’s grip.

“I’m going to let go but you - you take it out on me, okay? Not yourself.” She did as she said she would, releasing her grasp and holding her own arms out towards Sarah.

She couldn’t help herself. Almost immediately she started scratching at Ava’s bare skin, conscious of her own guilt but unable to stop. She was feeling destructive, the urge to break things suddenly starting to overcome her. Without Ava here, she’d have started smashing plates and cups, and that always felt worse. Skin would heal, but broken objects couldn’t be restored.

It hadn’t even been a minute before Sarah calmed down enough to move her hands away from Ava’s arms, and she was grateful. Even though she’d offered, that didn’t make the bright red welts on her arms any less painful. The skin had broken in some places, the blood contrasting with Ava’s pale white flesh. As she looked down at the state her arms were in, all she could think about was what Connor would say tomorrow; no doubt he’d notice and make some snarky comment.

Ava wiped the blood away with her palms, then focused her attention back on Sarah. She was now slumped against the wall wringing her hands together, but seemingly slightly more relieved than earlier. 

When she noticed Ava looking at her, she spoke for the first time. “’S too loud.”

“What is, darling?”

“Air-con.” _Of course_. Sarah had complained when it first started playing up a few days ago, but so far their landlord hadn’t been round to fix it. It still did its job though, so Ava hadn’t given it a second thought.

This explained why she hadn’t got the headphones herself; the air conditioning unit was in the hall, right between the bedroom and the front door. Trying to go past it would have simply been too much for her.

The two soon settled into an almost-comfortable silence while Sarah did what she could to calm herself down some more. After a few minutes, she felt okay enough to make her way to the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face. She’d stopped crying now, but the sensation of a damp face wasn’t one she enjoyed, and she knew she had to get rid of it.

Once she was done, she went back to the bedroom and got into bed. She was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and all she wanted to do was sleep. She took the headphones off and placed them on the bedside table before curling up as tight as she could. Ava decided to leave her, choosing to go and bother their landlord about the air conditioning, and before long Sarah had fallen into a deep, dreamless sleep.


End file.
